“It’s gonna be huge, it’s gonna be classy, it’s gonna be tremendous,” said Donald Trump, as he unveiled the holographic blueprint for the Trump Death Star, which will be fully-operational by 2018.

“We are ahead of schedule, and we are under budget,” Trump boasted.

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“You’ll LOVE the carpeting in these rooms.”


The Trump Death Star will feature 10,000 luxury rooms, each equipped with a hot tub, rotating shower, heated floors, and stunning views of the next planet Trump wantonly destroys due to either a personal vendetta or having a bad day.

“When I’m president, I will hand control of this Death Star to my son,” added Trump. “Ten-year old Baron may not have much real-world business experience yet, but he is a fast learner, and a huge fan of the original Star Wars movies. Huge.”

The 18-month project will employ nearly 40,000 union construction workers, most hailing from “China, Mexico, and, ya know, other countries probably,” according to press notes.

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