“It’s gonna be huge, it’s gonna be classy, it’s gonna be tremendous,” said Donald Trump, as he unveiled the holographic blueprint for the Trump Death Star, which will be fully-operational by 2018.

“We are ahead of schedule, and we are under budget,” Trump boasted.


“You’ll LOVE the carpeting in these rooms.”

The Trump Death Star will feature 10,000 luxury rooms, each equipped with a hot tub, rotating shower, heated floors, and stunning views of the next planet Trump wantonly destroys due to either a personal vendetta or having a bad day.

“When I’m president, I will hand control of this Death Star to my son,” added Trump. “Ten-year old Baron may not have much real-world business experience yet, but he is a fast learner, and a huge fan of the original Star Wars movies. Huge.”

The 18-month project will employ nearly 40,000 union construction workers, most hailing from “China, Mexico, and, ya know, other countries probably,” according to press notes.

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