Happy Birthday, Sarah Jessica Parker! To celebrate the birth of America’s favorite Carrie, we asked the Above Average staffers who have never seen an episode of Sex and the City to send us their favorite imagined quotes from the series.

“I only interrupt brunch for two things: attractive men, and really attractive men.”

Carrie: Wait…
Samantha: Yep. THAT Mamoun. I slept with THE Mamoun. …You’re all welcome.
[Cut to later that night, all four girls standing outside Mamoun’s in high heels eating falafel]
sex and the city gif

“You’re such a Sabrina.”

Carrie: “I’ve got to get this article done in time but I’m too busy having sex!”
Guy: “But aren’t your articles about sex?”
Carrie: “Oh yeah — then I’m done. Now back to sex!”

“I gave up tapas for a week to afford these shoes. It was so worth it!”

Carrie: “The sex was great…. but he kept his Birkenstocks on the whole time.”
Other girls: [Gasp in horror]

Vicky: I am SO not ok with Mr Big treating you that way.
Cassandra: But he’s Mr. Big! He’s got really voluminous hair.

Sandra: You are such a Carrie.
Carrie: I know!!

Carrie: Having sex in this city is really hard. Also, my face is on a lot of buses.

Older Horny One: Ooooooh! Martinis are almost as good as sex. Just kidding!

Sexy Younger Brunette: Honestly, sex is really easy for me because just look at me.

“Ladies, shall we?!”

Carrie: How was sex last night with that guy in the suit?
Miranda: Oh boy he had a smaaaaaaallll penis.

“Sorry I’m late, I met an artist on a street corner and we exchanged landline numbers.”

“Sorry, I’m late. My cab got stuck in traffic and then my mouth got stuck on my driver.”

“Sorry I’m late, I’m Samantha.”

“Sorry I’m late, I was getting cum out of my blowdryer.”

Samantha: I went out with a guy last night; stock trader, kind of a douche. But huge apartment.
Miranda: Apartment? That’s what you’re calling it these days?

Carrie: Sometimes you just have to let the Big Apple take a bite out of you.
Samantha: I’d let Big Adam take a bite out of me…

Everyone, at anytime: “Cosmos!” “Minolos!” “Bright sun dresses!”

“That is one sexy city.”

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