Dear Above Average writers,
I have received your request to “take over” your web presence in celebration of the holiday known as April Fools’s Day. I must deny this request, as the stupidity of this ask is overwhelming. April Fools’ Day is an abhorrent celebration of bottomless ignorance. The presumption that mankind can be divided into such simplistic categories of the “the fool” and “the fooled” is one of human kind’s greatest follies. All of us are condemned to forever play the role of the fooled. God is the ultimate prankster in that way. His great trick, the cosmic April Fools’, is convincing us that were are capable of being the fooler at all.
We are doomed to witness this prank with eyes forced open by the claws of the universe. In the first stage, humankind, gullible and witless, falls for the prank. We are made to believe we have control, the earth is ours for the taking, the soil and its creatures are designed to submit to our will. The second stage, the reveal. We are now aware, realizing a prank has been pulled. Humankind as a whole feels exposed, as if humanity’s pants have been yanked down unexpected, the very fabric of our existence pooling at our ankles like a pair of jeans. But instead of the usual “oh good one,” we are left to grasp out feverishly in the dark and look on, mouths agape in horror at our own dismal destiny. The prank that the universe plays is not as a simplistic act of jest, but is instead the means to destruction and total obliteration.
For what is more foolish than thrashing around on a planet slowly consuming itself? Earth is the planetary Ouroboros – the snake that consumes its own tail.
There is an ecstasy in this.