Who Said It: Donald Trump, or Your Angry Friend Misquoting Donald Trump?
Since he entered the 2016 presidential race three weeks ago, Donald Trump has been responsible for quote after tasty quote, unleashing a veritable storm of wild abandon on the Republican primary race. In fact, he’s said so many crazy things, that it sometimes becomes hard as to who said what: Trump, or your friend who’s too angry about the idea of Donald Trump to accurately repeat what he’s been saying. In this simple quiz, we ask you to identify each quote by who said it. Was it the Donald, or your friend Donald, who’s been head of Young Democrats since sophomore year?
1. “One reason people like me is because I’m blunt. One reason people don’t like me is because I’m blunt.”
2. “Look at me! I’ve gotta bunch of big dumb stupid ideas hidden under my stupid dumb toupee, I’m Donald Trump.”
3. “The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys wearing yarmulkes every day.”
4. “I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say…. ‘you’re fired”
5. “Every night I go home and bathe myself in a big pile of money, because if I don’t surround myself in a physical representation of my wealth and excess before I go to bed, then I can’t sleep and have pleasant dreams of Mexican sheep trying to jump over an 800 foot tall fence and failing without proper documentation.”
6. “All the women…flirted with me, consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”
7. “They should make a remake of the classic BBC sitcom “Falty Towers” and call it “Trump Towers” starring me, Donald Trump, because much like original star John Cleese’s character I am both inept and a big ol’ moron.”
8. “I don’t want no stinking woman breastfeeding in front of me! I don’t want to see a breast, period. I haven’t seen one in 30 years. When we make love, I make my wife wear a cloak woven from never-used hundred dollar bills over her entire torso, so even in the throes of passion, I never have to lose focus on what I really care about: Getting. That. Green.
9. “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
10. “When I go to bed at night and get down on my knees and close my eyes, I don’t pray to God. I make sweet deals with God. That’s right ya rubes, I negotiate with the big G every night before I slip into the bed my wife hasn’t shared with me for the past 8 years. 20 years ago, I gave Him my hair in exchange for untold riches, and I’ve never looked back.
1, 3, 4, 6, and 9 are real Trump. The rest are your friend, who is right to be bad, but should probably read the paper a little more closely before going out with friends.
Harry Wood is a junior at Northwestern University, where he writes and performs comedy as regularly as he can get away with. He tweets @hwoodo94 and co-hosts a podcast, The Week in Revue, which can be found at http://Facebook.com/