As everyone on the planet knows, Adele’s new single dropped on Friday. If you haven’t heard it yet, we’ll assume you’re dead in which case, sorry that you’re dead. Here’s the video for Hello.
We’re used to Adele singing about lost long love, love gone wrong, love you put so far back in the fridge it froze, etc. Love We’ve always assumed Adele’s sad love songs are because Adele is bad at love. It’s kind of her thing. Or is it? Is Adele bad at love or just really bad at using phones?
Let’s consider the Hello video above: the very beginning of the video (:20s) shows Adele trying to make a phone call. Normal enough. Except she’s using a flip phone. A FLIP PHONE. Adele is a 27 year old multi-millionaire. And we’re supposed to believe she uses a flip phone?
But wait what if…she does? Adele has been famous since she was a teenager. What if using a flip phone is just one of those things young, famous people do, like owning a monkey? Maybe. But the phone mistakes don’t end there.
At 2:00, Adele enters a dusty old house and looks through what appears to be a pile of faxes. Adele then picks up a a landline with a cord. Um, Adele, this house was abandoned when faxes were still a thing. Was there even a dial tone on that phone? No one bothered to clean up the faxes before they ditched that place, you think someone’s still paying the phone bills? You are using a broken phone, girl! But…you don’t know that, do you?
Then at 3:17 we see who Adele has been trying to call with all of her shitty old phones. IT’S A PHONE BOOTH IN THE WOODS COVERED IN WEEDS. There are two explanations for this:
- Adele is calling a place she once saw her ex. Like a few years ago she saw him near the phone booth, thought ‘Oh, that’s his phone!’ and never bothered to ask for his actual phone number.
- Adele is actively trying to call the past. She saw an old ass phone booth and thought ‘If I call that phone booth, maybe someone from the past will answer and give me love advice.’
Either option is pretty insane and one must conclude that Adele straight up doesn’t understand phones. She might not grasp the concept of time either but that’s a topic for a different day.
Once you unlock Hello the possibilities unravel: Is Chasing Pavements about dropping your phone? Is Turning Tables really about a rotary phone? Has Adele never been dumped, she just doesn’t own a working phone? And most frightening of all: Did I really just spend 3+ hours thinking about an Adele music video?
The world may never know.
4 hours. I spent 4 hours thinking about an Adele music video.