These are scary, uncertain times with seemingly endless threats at home and abroad. We need a president who can keep himself or herself safe, so we don’t have to worry. That’s why I refuse to vote for anyone who can’t parkour in and out of state of the unions.

A lot of people think parkour is just running around like an idiot. Incorrect. Parkour is a training discipline which was actually developed by the military for obstacle course preparation. A president who can craftily use physical spaces will keep assassins on their toes, so the Secret Service can spend energy on saving other people.

The State of the Union is known to be a time of partisan tension. We need a president who can disarm his or her opponents by the spectacle of their movement without using equipment. You’ll notice neither President George W. Bush or President Barack Obama tried this and that’s how we got where we are today.

Also, bet you didn’t know parkour is also about seeing one’s environment differently. We could definitely use a president’s parkour vision on issues like ISIS and climate change, don’t you think? Maybe the answers are simple after some vaulting, jumping, and rolling.

Parkour was developed in France, which is also where we got the Statue of Liberty from. So, yeah, pretty cool.

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