Man. Sometimes you read a news article, and it just puts nothing into perspective for you. That’s how I felt when I found out that Bow Wow was retiring.

The fact that he’s two years younger than me, or the fact that Like Mike came out 14 years ago, or the fact that if I tried to name three Bow Wow songs right now, I would be unsure if any of them were actually by Bow Wow, are all really driving home how much this news does not affect me whatsoever.

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 11:  Bow Wow attends BET 106 and Park on June 11, 2014 in New York City.  (Photo by Brad Barket/Getty Images for BET)

I know he did a song about basketball at some point. Beyond that, I got nothing.


Like, okay, when I found out that Jerry Maguire came out two decades ago, I thought, “Whoa, that’s actually really interesting.” I started thinking about how different Tom Cruise’s public persona is now, and how my relationship to both sports and movies has changed over the years. It got me thinking, is the point.

But when I saw that Bow Wow was retiring, they might as well have just handed me a Finnish Associated Press article describing a new process to search for tungsten deposits on the moon satellite Europa. And no, I don’t know who “they” are in this context. Why does that matter? It doesn’t.

Sorry, Bow Wow. Honestly, I respect you as a famous actor and rapper and overall cool guy. I hold no ill will toward you. But your life is utterly irrelevant to mine. When I retire (hopefully not for like at least four decades), I’ll send you an email. If you get even a twinge of nostalgia or, really, any emotion at all, I’d be really surprised.


David Ingber is the managing editor of Above Average and The Kicker. He loves ping-pong, poker, and crossword puzzles. And dogs. And the Red Sox. And TV. But that’s it. His twitter is @davidingber1. 

Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.