If there’s one thing that’s definitely not trending these days, it’s police. While people are seriously over all the controversy surrounding officers’ conduct, they have a plan to get back in the public’s good graces: pumpkin spice pepper spray!
Police have capitalized on the craze for all things pumpkin spice, from lattes to cookies to cereal and everything in between. And people are already raving about this new pepper spray flavor.
“It’s just like Thanksgiving in my eyes, nose and throat,” screamed one product tester in agonizing pain, his face red and covered in a mixture of tears and snot.
This new spray truly is a delight to the senses. First, you’ll be hit with the comforting warmth of cinnamon assaulting your orifices. After that subsides, the subtle spice of ginger invades your lungs and restricts your ability to breath. As the delicate skin around your eyes becomes inflamed, you’ll notice just a hint of clove, and finally a soupçon of nutmeg to burn the fuck out of your corneas. It’s a festively debilitating sensory experience!
So make sure you get a taste of this seasonal pepper spray while it lasts, because police say it is available for a limited time only!