Zayniacs and former Directioners rejoyce: the first solo track and music video from 1D ex-pat Zayn Malik has arrived! While we’ve yet to see what impact this titanic event will have on the global financial markets, we’ve spent the whole day poring over every beautiful word of “Pillowtalk,” annotating and decoding exactly what Britain’s most beautiful boy is trying to tell us.

Read our findings below, and save yourself the trouble of trying to decipher this staggeringly talented young artist’s lyrics! “Pillowtalk”? More like Pillowlisten! Then Pillowread, Pillowshare on Facebook, and Pillowlisten again.


Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.